theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
