oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
