I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
