living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
