we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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