Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
