3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
