I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
