I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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