Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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