Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
