I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You can't just leave with hair like that
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
