The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
