i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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