so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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