I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
