The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
