my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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