my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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