I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Found your dick twin last night
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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