forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
