I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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