I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
