I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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