This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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