We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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