I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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