I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
