once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
