Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
