respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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