I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
