I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
