this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
