I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think I am morally bankrupt
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
