remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
