it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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