Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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