you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
