I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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