Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
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