so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
