In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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