I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
