he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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