dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
