watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
