I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
