It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
