don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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