First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
